Posts tagged ‘cincinnati bengals’
Cincinnati Begging Rest of Nation to Notice Them
CINCINNATI – The Bengals have a track record of signing players with a long line of both on and off the field problems. The team hopes in rehabilitating these players to the point that they can contribute to the team in winning and become a viable member society in doing so. Well, at least the [...]
Washington Wizards Blow Lottery Pick on More Lottery Picks
WASHINGTON – When Abe Pollin ceded ownership to Ted Leonsis, the Washington Wizard’s franchise had lost places in the NBA lottery in 8 of the last 9 years, mirroring a winning percentage akin to the product on the basketball court. But that all changed during last week’s lottery result when Abe Pollin’s wife walked her [...]
Cincinnati Bengals Sign Four Game Suspension To One Year Contract
CINCINNATI – In a controversial move, the Cincinnati Bengals have signed on a 4 game suspension starting at the beginning of next year and running through the team’s first 4 games and then most likely reoccurring later in the season. The suspension will begin practicing with the team this week and hopes to make the [...]
Harvard Grad Finding Ways to Play in NFL Through Analytical Injury Data; Foresight
BUFFALO – Ryan Fitzpatrick was never really good at football. He was however, really good at solving quadrant equations within a statistical queue theory. Fitzpatrick took that knowledge to Harvard, where he studied and occasionally played tackle football in the Quarry with guys who either may be guys dressed as girls imitating guys, or they were just really faggy. Either way, he somehow persuaded his way into the NFL. This guy must be so smooth he could sell a dollar to a Jew for a quarter.
